As you all can tell by now, fashion is everything to me. I love the way clothes can tell so much about someone’s life. It’s a way to express myself in a fun and beautiful way. A way to express my feelings and personality.
However, it wasn’t always like that. About three years ago during my sophomore year in college, it started becoming a constant mind battle with loving my clothes but hating to wear them because I felt ugly and disgusted with how I looked. I became super picky with how my clothes fit me and hated that clothes that used to fit me in a few years ago started to feel tight. I couldn’t accept the fact that my body was no longer the same little body it was in high school.
One of the worst things about having an eating disorder was going shopping and being scared to try on clothes.I would pick up clothes to try on but once I was on the dressing room line, I would put all the clothes back. Scared to see how I would look in the clothes. I hated seeing myself in the mirror. When I did try on clothes, I hated how I had to try on bigger sizes. If it wasn’t a size 0 or 1, I would leave the store empty-handed. As much as I loved shopping, shopping for clothes gave me panic attacks and I would buy only accessories. I went shopping practically every other week and would just stare at all the clothes that I wished I could wear with confidence.
Fast forward to last September, when I went shopping for some new work clothes. Standing on the dressing room line, I had my arms filled with clothes, all of different sizes due to the different cuts of each apparel. Looking into the mirror, I was thrilled to be trying on clothes that I knew complimented my body no matter what size I was wearing. I was no longer seeing my body as a number on the scale. After a year of fighting the negative thoughts and eating disorder battle, I had finally started reaching a place where I loved my body. It was starting to get easier with not seeing my body as a number on the scale. For the first time, I saw my body for its true beauty: strong, unique, and beautiful because God had made me in his image and likeness.
My recovery from my eating disorder was a grueling and frustrating journey. However, I wouldn’t have been able to fight it without my wonderful family and friends, who were super supportive and even fought my disorder with me. My roommates and friends would make sure I eat all my meals and would sit by me as I had panic attacks. They constantly reminded me of my worth and beauty. They encouraged me to use the positivity and love that I had for life around me and to refocus that onto myself. #selflove
I joined a fitness class where I met my favorite fitness instructor, Cara of the Balanced Bod, who taught me to love my body by seeing my body’s strength.
My parents and sister would support me and cook all my favorite meals when I came home to visit to ensure that I started seeing food as a yummy nourishment that my body needed.
So as we draw to an end to National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, this post goes out to everyone out there who is either going through an eating disorder or recovering from an eating disorder. Remember that there are so many people who love you. All you have to do is take one little step into the light and everything will fall into place. The journey to recovery never truly ends but every day that one little step means getting closer to loving your body.
For more information about eating disorders and how to help either yourself or someone you love fight ED, check out http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
How do you love your body every day?
What is one thing you love about your body?