Soo…February is National Eating Disorder Awareness month and yes, I know I’m a little late in posting this but it’s been a pretty rough month for myself in terms of eating disorders. Chinese New Year was this month which means holiday eating anxiety was constantly in the back of my mind. Looking back at my journey to recovery and staying in recovery, one thing I am glad for is that I didn’t lose my love for fashion to ED.
The fashion industry is known for both women AND men to have eating disorders, and yes I have been one of them. Now my eating disorder didn’t start in the fashion industry but working in the fashion industry for a few summers definitely played a huge part in my ED. I was never a model but I was constantly striving to be skinny and beautiful like my coworkers who **seemed to have more self control when it came to choosing a salad over a burger.
The longer I stayed working in the fashion industry, the deeper I fell into my eating disorder. I hated my body and started getting extremely scared of trying and buying clothes. I constantly was trying out different diets and even when my fashion internships were completed and I was back in school, I was still obsessed with how I looked and wanting to be perfect in my clothes. The world I loved so much was starting to suck me in deeper and deeper into my ED thoughts. Deep down, I knew that I needed to stop this unhealthy cycle but I was too scared. I was convinced that it meant I would have to leave the fashion industry, which eventually I did.
However as I started to take steps to recovery, I realized one thing: Just because I was no longer working in the industry didn’t mean that fashion was gone. No, absolutely not. Growing up, I lived and breathed fashion. It was a part of me and my way of expressing myself. I had convinced myself that fashion was about looking skinny and perfect, but in reality, fashion is about expressing who I was as a person – strong, brave, and beautiful because God made me that way. As Blair Waldorf says, “Fashion is the most powerful art there is. It’s movement, design and architecture all in one. It shows the world who we are and who we’d like to be.” So true!! After realizing that, my love for fashion came back. Yes, I no longer work in the fashion industry but my love for fashion is still alive – through this blog! This blog has allowed me to pursue and express my fashion sense through my own eyes and no one else’s.
Sure, I still have days where my eating disorder thoughts are out in full blown force and not being able to wear certain clothing sizes still gives me anxiety. But I know fashion was and still is my way of expressing to the world my inner beauty and how I see myself. And NOTHING…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will take that away from me ever again.
For more information about eating disorders and how to help either yourself or someone you love fight ED, check out http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
**this was what I perceived (distorted eating perceptions)…not exactly what happened