How I didn’t let my Eating Disorder take away my Love for Fashion

Hey Fashionistas,

Soo…February is National Eating Disorder Awareness month and yes, I know I’m a little late in posting this but it’s been a pretty rough month for myself in terms of eating disorders. Chinese New Year was this month which means holiday eating anxiety was constantly in the back of my mind. Looking back at my journey to recovery and staying in recovery, one thing I am glad for is that I didn’t lose my love for fashion to ED.

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The fashion industry is known for both women AND men to have eating disorders, and yes I have been one of them. Now my eating disorder didn’t start in the fashion industry but working in the fashion industry for a few summers definitely played a huge part in my ED. I was never a model but I was constantly striving to be skinny and beautiful like my coworkers who **seemed to have more self control when it came to choosing a salad over a burger.

The longer I stayed working in the fashion industry, the deeper I fell into my eating disorder. I hated my body and started getting extremely scared of trying and buying clothes. I constantly was trying out different diets and even when my fashion internships were completed and I was back in school, I was still obsessed with how I looked and wanting to be perfect in my clothes. The world I loved so much was starting to suck me in deeper and deeper into my ED thoughts. Deep down, I knew that I needed to stop this unhealthy cycle but I was too scared. I was convinced that it meant I would have to leave the fashion industry, which eventually I did.

However as I started to take steps to recovery, I realized one thing: Just because I was no longer working in the industry didn’t mean that fashion was gone. No, absolutely not. Growing up, I lived and breathed fashion. It was a part of me and my way of expressing myself. I had convinced myself that fashion was about looking skinny and perfect, but in reality, fashion is about expressing who I was as a person – strong, brave, and beautiful because God made me that way. As Blair Waldorf says, “Fashion is the most powerful art there is. It’s movement, design and architecture all in one. It shows the world who we are and who we’d like to be.” So true!! After realizing that, my love for fashion came back. Yes, I no longer work in the fashion industry but my love for fashion is still alive – through this blog! This blog has allowed me to pursue and express my fashion sense through my own eyes and no one else’s.

Sure, I still have days where my eating disorder thoughts are out in full blown force and not being able to wear certain clothing sizes still gives me anxiety. But I know fashion was and still is my way of expressing to the world my inner beauty and how I see myself. And NOTHING…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will take that away from me ever again.

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Xoxo,

Chrissie Carly

For more information about eating disorders and how to help either yourself or someone you love fight ED, check out http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

**this was what I perceived (distorted eating perceptions)…not exactly what happened

Surviving the holidays during Eating Disorder recovery

“You’re going to be fine”

This seems to be the motto I’ve been telling myself every day for the past month and a half. (Yes, for me the holidays and festivities start the week of Thanksgiving)  As much as I love the Christmas season and spending time with my wonderful family and friends, I can’t help but constantly think of the food that awaits for me.

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Now I totally understand the importance of food and eating moderately, but as a girl who unfortunately, often falls back into her ED habits, food can be the enemy sometimes. Going out with friends for dinner and drinks is so much fun but in the back of mind as much as I hate to admit it, that voice is still whispering “Do you really think you should eat that? Did you burn off enough calories at the gym today to consume all of that?”

Moments like these, what do I do? Back when I had my eating disorder, I would of course stop eating and immediately start giving excuses on why I’m not eating. During the beginning stages of my recovery, anxiety would flood my mind and I would have a full on panic attack trying to fight the ED thoughts before trying to pick up the fork to eat again. This holiday season, surprisingly, has been a lot better. I still get anxiety but it is a lot easier to tell myself to not to be afraid of food. To know that I’ll be ok if I eat that yummy slice of pumpkin pie. I’ll be fine if I eat the cheesy lasagna square. I’ll be fine if I go out and celebrate with drinks and dinner with my friends.

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So with Christmas arriving tomorrow, ED thoughts are bound to pop up. What am I going to do? Focus on something else. Now I’m not saying to ignore those thought because from personal experience, ignoring them will eventually explode into another anxiety attack. So go ahead and acknowledge it, but don’t let it stop you from enjoying the holiday festivities. Focus on the time spent with family. Focus on the laughter and joy that Christmas brings. Focus on the beauty that Jesus Christ is born and the love that comes with it. Most importantly, I’m going to focus and appreciate that this is another year that I’m an ED survivor and nothing is going to take that away from me.

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Love yourself this holiday season. Share that love with someone you know that might need it. Christmas is all about joy and love and that all starts with you and loving your body ❤️

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Smile through the darkness and love your mind, body, and soul ❤

Xoxo,

Christine

Fashionista Thoughts:

What’s one thing you love about yourself?

What’s something you are looking forward to this Christmas?